Mission: Save Angeal!
by LetsSingtheDoomSong
Summary: Another thing created while over at Reno's house. Writers: LetsSingtheDoomSong & Respect the Hobos. Okay, the movie it was from was Fletch. FUNNY MOVIE, YOU ALL MUST WATCH IT! Nothing like the classics.


Mission: Get Angeal's Body Out Of the Morgue

Reno & Dani walked into the garage, spotting the vehicle they'd been sent to empty immediately. The drivers pulled a gurney from it & set it on the floor, closing the door with finality. "Well, makes it easy for us," Reno remarked.

"I hate cleaning up bodies," Dani groaned. "Where are we taking this one?"

"Science department," Reno replied, sending her a look filled with meaning.

Dani scrunched her nose. "Ewwww...."

Reno smiled playfully. "At least it's not us."

"True."

They had reached the gurney by this time & each took a side, nodding to the delivery guys in acknowledgement before pushing it back the elevator. By the time they reached the elevator, they were both struggling to breath. "God, it's so heavy," Reno whined.

"I wonder who it is," Dani said in agreement. She reached out & lifted the sheet, peeking under it. She froze & her jaw dropped. "Reno...." She pulled it back to reveal his face, eyes wide in horror.

Reno looked down at it & his expression matched hers. "Angeal?! We can't take this to the science department," he choked after a moment. "Dymond would kill us!"

"We have to," Dani sighed. "The mission will be complete once he's registered."

"Then we have to sneak back in & get him," Reno decided. The elevator door pinged & opened. Dani & Reno's heads whipped to the doors in shock. In stepped Zack & Dymond. Dani threw the sheet back over Angeal's face before she could see.

"Hey guys," Zack greeted. He smirked. "Who's the stiff?"

Dani & Reno exchanged a nervous glance. "Uh....some new toy for the science department."

"Poor bastard," Dymond said. "Let's see 'im." She reached for the sheet & Dani reached out & slammed her head against the steel. "Ow!" Dymond cried, falling back against the elevator wall.

"Dani, are you out of your mind?!" Zack exclaimed.

"You can't look!" Dani insisted. "It's against Shin-Ra policy."

Reno stared at her in horror. "I don't think that was necessary," he said meekly.

Dani shrugged helplessly. "No, I think that was payback," Dymond decided. "For tripping her that time she fell down the stairs."

"That's..._exactly _it," Dani recovered.

The elevator pinged again. "Oh, look," Reno said with obviously strained casualness. "This is our floor. We have to go."

"Yeah," Dani agreed, relieved. "We'll see you guys later."

The door opened & they pushed the gurney out. To their disappointment, Zack & Dymond followed. "This is our floor, too," Dymond explained, holding her head. "I think I have a mild concussion."

"I'm _so _sorry," Dani apologized.

"No," Dymond refuted, holding up a reassuring hand. "I deserved it. That makes number 47."

"You kept count?" Reno asked, pausing. This stopped the progress of the gurney as well.

"Maybe," Dymond replied, glancing around evasively. The door closed & the elevator began to rise. What everyone failed to realize, however, was that the edge of the sheet was stuck in the door. As the elevator rose, it took the sheet with it. Within moments, the body on the gurney was revealed. Zack & Dymond stared at it, stricken expressions on their faces.

Dani's hand came to her forehead & Reno nervously scratched his neck. "Just our luck," he grumbled.

"You...you were taking Angeal to the _science department_?!" Dymond cried, suspected concussion obviously forgotten.

"We were gonna get him back!" Dani replied frantically.

"Our mission doesn't count as finished until we do!" Reno added defensively. "But there's nothing that says you can't remove the body after it's registered."

"We want to help," Zack declared fiercely. "There's no way we're leaving Angeal's body to the science department."

"Over my dead body will those science freaks get my dad!" Dymond shouted.

"Dymond, be quiet," Dani hissed. "The whole point of this is that it's s_ecret_. Or do I have to slam your head into the gurney again to make you forget?"

Dymond's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't."

"Watch me," Dani challenged.

"Zack will protect me!"

"Um...I'm actually with her on this one," Zack murmured.

"What was that?!" Dymond demanded.

"Nothing! I love you!"

"Daw! I love you too," Dymond gushed. "Now let's go save Angeal."

An hour later they found themselves in the morgue, Dymond on a gurney, Dani & Reno pushing her, with Zack trailing along. "What's this?" the morgue director asked.

"A body," Zack said.

"No kidding. But why's it here?"

"Uh...it's dead," Dani said.

The morgue director sighed in exasperation. "Why is it dead?" he asked, as though speaking to a particularly slow person.

"Spy," Reno replied. "We found him outside."

"Spy, huh?" He thought a moment. "Seems awfully short."

Dymond started up, but was stopped by a direct hit to her chest as Dani pushed her back down & leaned on her casually. Or as casually as you c_an _lean on a "dead" body. "Look, time's a-wastin," Reno injected. "Just give us the tags."

"Fine," the director snapped. "Make it quick."

The pressure on her chest disappeared, the gurney began to move & within seconds, she felt the cool air of the morgue on her skin. The sheet was yanked away & she found herself staring up at her friends. "God, Dani, that _hurt_," she complained, rubbing her chest.

"Well, if you could keep your temper..."

"Angeal's in here," Zack stated, pointing at a refrigerator on the wall. He jerked it open & pulled out the tray. To reveal nothing. Angeal's body was gone.

"What the...?" Reno breathed.

"Where's Angeal?" Dymond asked, glancing at Dani, who shrugged.

Zack kicked the wall. "Damn it!"

"Here." They turned to see Dani flipping through a clipboard. "He was taken to lab 3 fifteen minutes ago."

Dymond shuddered. "They don't like me in there...."

There was the sound of a door opening & closing swiftly & they looked in its direction to see a lab assistant pushing his way through the swinging door. Dymond dashed over & jumped into the tray as Zack covered her with a sheet. He slid her in & closed the door almost all the way. Reno leaned back against the metal casually, Zack crossed his arms & Dani whipped out the pen, pretending to write.

The lab assistant froze as he saw the group. "Who are you?"

"Department of Administrative Research," Reno replied, flashing a badge.

"What's he doing here?" the assistant asked, gesturing at Zack.

"He was on the mission with me," Dani explained. "He needed to be here."

There was a moment's pause. "May I?"

"Go ahead," Reno offered, stepping aside.

The assistant pulled open the door & pulled out the tray. He pulled aside the sheet & examined Dymond's face for a moment. Dymond's eyes popped open & her hand flew to her head. The assistant leapt back with a cry, face blanched pure white. "God, how long was I out?" Dymond groaned. She sat. "Where am I?" She glanced around. She shrieked. "Oh god! Where's the unit?! Did they survive?!" She grabbed the lab assistant's shoulders & shook him desperately. "Did they survive the crash?!"

He nodded his head so hard the viewers thought it would roll right off his neck. Zack reached out & placed a soothing arm around her shoulders. "Yes, they did. Here, I'll take you to them."

Dymond leaned into his chest & sighed, face becoming peaceful. "Okay...."

"I'll...I'll let you have a moment of pr-privacy," the man stammered, backing out the front door.

There was a moment of shocked silence, broken by Reno. "Dymond, did you just make all that up?"

"Yup!" she declared proudly. "I can think fast in dangerous situations!" She leapt out of the tray & wrenched open another cooler. She yanked out the tray & slung its inhabitant over her shoulder.

"Uh...Dy?" Dani said. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Well, we have to replace Angeal with somethin'!" She beamed. "I came up with _that _while I was in there too! Maybe you should try it, Dani! Maybe you could come up with somethin'."

"Uh...or not."

"You're right," she agreed solemnly. "Reno should go in there with you."

Dani & Reno both glared at her. "Me & small spaces don't mix," Dani said voice hard.

Dymond shrugged. "Your loss." And she bounced off, the head of the person she was holding lolling as she walked, eyes watching them sickeningly.

"Ew...." Dani shuddered.

"How can you stand her, Zack?" Reno asked.

"You know... I'm still trying to figure that out...."

Reno leaned into Dani & whispered in her ear, "I sense S&M."

Dani frowned at him & whispered back, "You have a sense for that?" Just as Zack asked brightly, "Slave & master or sadist & masochist?"

"Shit, he heard," Reno hissed.

"SOLDIER."

"Ah." Reno laughed nervously. "Sadist & masochist."

"You know," Dani interrupted loudly. "We should really follow Dy. She might blow something up while we're not watching & my paycheck can _not _afford that."

Dymond examined the can of cheese whiz in her hand as she spotted the nail she had driven into it. "This is going to be awesome!" She told her silent dead companion. Of course the body didn't say anything, but she grabbed the box of crackers off the floor & made her way inside the lab. She placed the body behind a machine & walked toward the scientist. "Hey guys!"

"Oh shit... Dymond's back," One of them gasped. "Didn't Hojo tell you not to come within a 100 feet of the lab?"

"Professor Whore can kiss my ass! I just brought you some snacks!" She gazed over at the table & spotted the body of their target.

"You... did?" The other one asked, eying the box of crackers.

She tossed the can to one of them & the box to the other. "See you around!" She dashed out of the area & grabbed the body of the person she nabbed from the morgue.

"Shit... The can isn't working!" She heard one of them mutter.  
"There's a nail in it."

"Well, you pull it out!" There was a distinct sound of metal scrapping metal as the nail was removed, followed by the sound of a small grenade explosion.

"Wow, for scientists, they're really stupid," She told her dead friend. She came out from behind the machine & watched as the scientists ran from the room to get into a shower. "Okay... Angeal's covered in cheese. Did not think that through," She spoke once again to the dead person. She dropped the body on the floor, & then picked up Angeal's body. She replaced the body with the body from the morgue & proceeded to leave the room. "Damn, I'm getting cheese on me..."

"Dymond!" Dani shouted.

Dymond turned around & spotted Dani & her friends showing up finally. "Hiya... Angeal's covered in cheese. How did that happen?"

"Science department experiment?"

Dymond snapped her fingers & pointed at Reno, "That's it!"  
Reno raised an eyebrow. "That's what I thought."

Out of no where, one of the scientists came running by. He was almost in the same condition as Angeal, just looking more like a cheese monster then a body. "Wait a minute..." Reno mused, "You did the cheese whiz thing, didn't you?"  
"Dymond, we were saving that for tonight," Zack whined.

Dani's eye twitched as she smacked her forehead. "Don't want to know..."

Dymond made slicing movements across her throat indicating he should stop talking. "Zack. Shut. _Up._"

Zack blushed. "Hehe...right..... Sorry."

"Dani, why don't you ever suggest anything like that?" Reno asked, eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Because I'm not a psycho like Dymond."

"Can't we try it for just one night?"

"If one night is all you ever want again," Dani replied, mock-innocently.

"Now _my _vibes are going off," Zack muttered.

"Vibes?" Dymond repeated, glancing between the three curiously. "What vibes?"

Dani slapped her head with her hand once again. "Nevermind...."

"You know, you're gonna have a red mark there," Dymond pointed out, completely unhelpfully. She pointed up at Angeal. "Can we go bury Angeal now? He's starting to smell like stinky cheese."

"Yeah," Zack replied. "Let's go."

"I just can't get over the fact that the science department wanted to use him as an experiment," Dymond said sadly, leaning into Zack's one-armed embrace. "Bastards."

"The science department does a lot of things that don't make sense," Dani added, hands in her pockets. Reno reached out & rubbed a patch of dirt from her face (they dug the grave; Zack & Dymond made the headstone).

"Like necrophilia," Dymond chirped.

Dani laughed slightly. "Yeah, like that."

"You know, Angeal would make someone indulge in necrophilia."

"Dymond?!" Zack shouted, shocked & amused at the same time.

"What? My dad's hot! Who denies it?! Dani, what do you think?"  
"I'm asexual, remember?" Dani answered.

"Not with Reno."

"I'm the exception," Reno smirked.  
"He is," Dani smiled.


End file.
